So, you got this link. Maybe someone actually feels ready to have guests over after the craziness of having a baby. 

10: It’s not all about you.

If you haven’t been invited yet, your thank you notes have not been sent, you did not get a phone call…etc. um…yeah. The new parents are crazy busy. Things fall through the cracks. The last thing they need is a call or email about how offended you are. So don’t. What you can do is call and say “Hey, I know you guys are gonna be crazy busy with your new bundle of joy. Do you need someone to walk your dogs?” *Shout out to Cassandra Colton for offering and taking such good care of Sokka and Neji!* if you want to be a part of this special occasion, focus on the things you can do to support their mental health and well being.

9: OK. Some of it is about you.

Health and hygiene mostly, but manners especially. It’s a new baby, learning how to be a human…hopefully a quality human, healthy, happy, respectful and kind. So about you, that extra spray of cologne or perfume, or a couple beers on your breath… The baby doesn’t need it, but yes, please brush those teeth and take a bath maybe. Baby’s immune system is still on training wheels, so let’s wash those hands too. And guess what, babies start assimilating the sounds that make up language almost right away, so personally, I would avoid the profanity and the yelling. Who you are is up to you. But who we let be around our baby and hold him, is up to us. #imjustsaying

8: Is there a doctor in the house?

Now along with things you can do for us, come offering your professional recommendations. Everyone has them. You may have been one of the people encouraging us to have a baby for the 8 years we were married (none of your business by the way). Perhaps you are a botanist and you can say “Hey, that plant is toxic, make sure the baby does not put that in his mouth later.” But, chances are, we have already long chosen our pediatrician, obstetrician, doula etc. and we have read a million pages of the most up to date baby related science as well as the doom and gloom. So, unless you are a practicing physician in a child birth, or pediatric field,that has seen our medical history, please do not recant to us what you read on Facebook about things that can hurt babies. No, not even if your sister’s aunt’s brother’s friend’s bartender on your mommy side has a stepson it happened to. Just don’t. Personally, just getting a baby to term is crazy stressful, so if the baby is almost here and we are planning on birth or the stork has landed and we have our package in hand, your scary stories don’t help. Moms that have had babies get a special pass to say affirmative things, like oh, that will get better or you will love [enter weird pregnancy thing]. Men…shhhhhhhh.

7: Our superstitions versus yours.

Now I humbly accept that families have traditions. We all do. Some of those are superstitions and thank you for sharing. I find them interesting. But do not push. We probably will not be buying a chihuahua to sleep with the baby to prevent asthma or putting an open pair of scissors under his pillow or feeding him a spoon full of Vicks vapor rub… Yeah these are real things. 

6: The other kids…

Yours, ours, other people’s. Please, know that we want our kid(s) to be awesome, and yeah, that means the best they can be. Not judging your kids, but maybe. If your kid is a bit much for you to handle, spits, bites, is generally destructive or violent, maybe we should wait until our kid is older, or we can all agree to have them in the same room. And about our kids, this includes dogs… If we are inviting you over to meet our new baby, you probably met our kids already. Be honest with yourself. If you can’t handle them, tell us. For me, I do not mind you asking my dogs to go sit somewhere else, ask us how you should treat them and our discipline boundaries. I think I may feel the same with our son, but this may change. Basically, don’t put us in a situation where we have to mind your kids as well as ours.

5: Are you hungry?

We probably are. And the new mom probably has not had any fast food or take out for about nine months. Bring food or offer to bring food, maybe come over and cook.

4: Timing: Early, Late, and time to go.

3: House rules.

2: Parents rule.

1: Baby is number 1