I listen to music whenever I can. once in awhile a song catches my attention and I have to think about how my life is right then and what is going on.

Today I heard “El feo que sabe amar” on my Walkman. The title means “The ugly man who knows how to love”. Yeah, I consider myself ugly…unpolished. Growing up, I did not learn proper etiquette,  which fork to use, should I cross my legs or not, when is blowing ones nose appropriate? I also have a hard time not telling the truth when I feel it is needed, however indelicate the situation is. And, I can be loud.

I imagine, it is hard to take me out in public sometimes, but if it is any saving grace, I know how to love…sort of. I enjoy helping others, I feel everyone deserves the help you can give them because we are all struggling. I feel those you love, you should help as much as you can, but this includes teaching them to help themselves and letting them get hurt and see the truth sometimes. They deserve kind words and poetry and flowers and sweets, but not all the time.

The challenge for me is that I do not do these things as a knee jerk reaction. I have chosen to be the kindest person I can and moment to moment, I try to do the most good for as many people and animals as possible.

This also means that I appear distracted, inconsiderate, impolite and lacking manners in many situations when those I love, whom I believe to be safe and having their needs met are neglected as I go to help someone else. It must look ugly, but know this. If I have ever said “I love you”, I meant it right then. If you were lucky enough (I count less than 15 people) cherish that. My love is not free and not easy to obtain and the more recently you heard it the harder it would have come. <-See what I mean? I know I love, I know how to love, but it can be ugly.